The Aqueduct Delousing

It was an odd and sunny Monday when the chancellor made his speech
While JFK and Ronald Reagan barked up a tree
I walked down from the docks and I held my head up high
I had yet to learn that this would be my day to die

I waited at the street light, when it said stop then I would go
And at the old folks’ home I picked up Edgar Allen Poe
“Take me to the bar,” he said with quite a thrill
So I revved up my car and we drove down to Bunker Hill

As we ordered drinks I noticed there was trouble there
As two men in minks came in with uncombed hair
One said his name was Ralph and the other’s name was Henry
But I knew as soon as they walked in that they would apprehend me

So I took a cue from my old friend, the Kentucky Colonel
And I jumped behind the frying pan as if it were a hurdle
And as the two argued among themselves about their garden
I ran across the marketplace looking to buy a pardon

The lecher and the pauper were eyeing me strangely
As an old and younger couple were trying to buy a baby
I took out my fireworks and lit off quite the fuse
And when they let me lead the band I had to refuse

I decided then that I would go to see the sights of Paris
But the Hilton there was closed so I just crawled upon the terrace
The king and queen stood all alone, sipping on their wine
And I tumbled down to be their clown and tell them all was fine

The jester did not like that, so he moved to kick me out
But I just tipped my hat to him as I hopped upon a trout
The sudden call of sea-bound hauls then burst upon my soul
So I communed with nature and changed my name then to Thoreau

But soon as I had done that, a soldier took me by the arm
And told me that I had to go save the countryside from harm
So I hopped into the marching order of the ants and bugs
But they led me to a spider-hole where I was given handsome hugs

I kicked my feet and jumped right back up into the melee
When suddenly I learned that I could turn night into day
So I slipped and slept until the sun and moon had switched around
And I let my life expire so that a new one could be found.